Hello, Yes I’m Still Alive

The last time I posted on this blog I explained that I had a lot on my plate, and that blogging would be taking a backseat over the summer. That was almost a year ago.

The remainder of 2019 was busy, really busy, and it wasn’t feasible for me to do anything at all other than what was on my to do list. Then just as I started to get a handle on things, the rug was pulled from under us and my Mum got ill. The adrenaline of needing to be strong kept me going for a little while, but soon after I felt myself crash. I am exhausted to a level that I’ve never felt before, and I’ve been off work for the last few weeks while I try to get myself back to a more functional place. Previously I felt like my brain was going to be permanently broken and I was genuinely a bit unsure about what the future looked like. I wasn’t being productive at work, I had no passion for anything, and I just wanted to sleep all the time. I had convinced myself that I wasn’t going to be able to keep doing my job as a researcher and was spending far too many hours googling part time jobs that would allow me to work in pressure-free environments (spoiler alert – I’m pretty sure nothing is pressure-free). I’m glad that I decided to take a step back. Things are ok now, and I feel like my brain will be ok after a proper break. I know I’ll get back to research in a few weeks, and I know I’ll be alright doing it long-term.

While I’ve been off work I’ve been taking things really easy, saying no to just about everything, and spending lots of time not doing work. I’ve started my first embroidery kit, I’ve done some doodling, and I’ve been going for lots of walks because at the end of January we got a dog! This is a Huge Deal.

We adopted Barney from Dogs Trust in Glasgow, and I LOVE HIM.
He was a stray in Ireland before he ended up at Dogs Trust, so we don’t know much about him. We think he’s about 3 years old, and he’s some sort of terrier cross – possibly a bit of Lakeland and/or Welsh terrier in there. He came home and we were warned that he could be quite anxious, but he’s really grown in confidence. He’s missing his two front teeth and he has no idea how to play fetch, but apart from that he’s doing well!

Barney the terrier on his first day at home after being adopted from Dogs Trust.

So what now? Well, as I’m sure you’re aware, the world is currently on fire. The coronavirus pandemic is terrifying, and like lots of people I’ve been feeling more anxious over the past week or so. It all feels a bit like we’re living in a (really terrible) film, so I’ve been reading books and watching YouTube as a means of escapism. One YouTube video I watched was from Lauren and the Books, I’ll link it here and embed it below so you can watch it if you want to.

One of the things on Lauren’s list of things to do when you’re stuck at home was writing, so here we are. This little blog is back up and running, and I’ll be using it to share nice things with minimal pressure. I’m resisting a schedule so that this little corner of the internet remains pressure-free for me, so I’ll be back at some point with some chilled writing 🙂

In the meantime, stay safe, wash your hands, look out for your friends and neighbours, and for fuck’s sake, stop hoarding toilet roll.

A Bit of a Brain Dump and What to Expect over the Next Few Months

I’ve done that thing again where I’ve blogging infrequently and sporadically. There are a few reasons for that, and I wanted to take the time to write a post about what’s been happening in my life recently, and what the knock-on effects are likely to be in terms of blog content over the next few months.

Never ending to do list. Credit: The Daily Quipple

Starting with the most recent hectic/exciting thing..

Some of you will know that I have a small business called Science On A Postcard. I started the business because I was looking for a creative outlet, and a place where I could chip away at some of the stereotypes that surround scientists.

The Science On A Postcard stand at Etsy’s Aberdeen Summer Showcase 2019

Earlier this month I took Science On A Postcard to Aberdeen’s Etsy Summer Showcase (above). For me that meant lots of evenings and weekends getting stock ready, and 2 days off work for the actual event. Don’t get me wrong, I love this little business that I’ve built, I’m incredibly proud of it, but I need to start setting some boundaries before it takes over.

Look Again Creative Accelerator

Before I realised that I needed to start setting boundaries with the business, I applied for a creative accelerator program, and at the end of May I was told that I have got a place. One of the things that annoys me most about myself is that when I do something I tend to jump right in, go the whole hog, and then realise that there’s only 24 hours in the day. Anyway, this is a temporarily busy, but brilliant, thing. The Look Again Festival have worked with Aberdeen’s Robert Gordon University to offer 12 individuals a place on a start-up programme for creative businesses – and I am one of the lucky 12! That means 13 days off work over between June and September this year.

So far that’s 15 days away from my full time job in just 4 months. That’s not great for my ever-growing to do list, but it’s doable.

Now throw in:

  • My first MSc student with a July thesis submission
  • Fairly urgent work for the ORINOCO project that I’m leading (June/July) (hopefully I’ll get chance to do a blog post on ORINOCO soon)

The ORINOCO Project; tidying up outcomes in clinical trials

  • A 3 day trip to Oxford for EBMLive (July)
  • A 2 day trip to Edinburgh for the BIG Event (July)

and things are getting to an almost unmanageable level.

That’s all work stuff, small-business work, full-time-job work – but all good, all exciting, and all doable.

Then we get to the rest of life.

A few weeks ago, my partner and I were driving into Aberdeen and we saw some houses that we thought looked really nice. We booked an appointment to go and look at them, and the prospect of moving house towards the end of this year (the house we had our eye on had not been built yet) became a very real thing, very quickly. The night before we needed to make a decision on that house, I found another house – closer to Aberdeen and a better layout for us. We went to look at it, and it was perfect. Absolutely perfect, within our price range and all fitting into place with just one minor issue.. we’d need to settle on July 5th and we’d have 4 weeks to move house. The house was ready and if we wanted it then we needed to be ready too. For context, the first and second weekends in July I won’t be in Aberdeen as I already have things booked elsewhere.

In a matter of weeks I’ve gone from a busy summer with work, to a busy summer with work and Science On A Postcard, and now a brain-tingly busy summer with work, Science On A Postcard, and moving house.

I’m currently at a writing retreat (during the writing sessions I’m writing a paper from my PhD thesis – this is being written from the comfort of my hotel bed with a tummy full of dinner), and I feel like I’m about to be greeted by the busiest summer of my entire life. Something needs to give, or more realistically, multiple things need to give. The first of those things is this blog.

I’d like to post blog updates on the conferences I attend, but at the moment I’m not sure whether that’s feasible. I’m taking the summer to Get Shit Done, and then once I’ve moved, and ticked off the majority of my urgent to do list, I’ll be working on setting some boundaries so that my brain doesn’t explode before 2019 is out.

 

Good Things: May 2019

*Insert generic HOLY-SHIT-how-is-it-June-already-related phrase*

Aaaaand I’m back with all the good things that made my month of May go so swimmingly 🙂 It was a super busy month so I’ll warn you upfront that this is likely to be a long post.

Excellent humans

May was full of wonderful people!

  • Early in the month I went to Norwich to visit my friend Jess and her partner. I had a bloody brilliant time, and seriously considered asking them if they’d consider adopting me. Gorgeous house, super chilled atmosphere, amazing food and spending quality time with a friend that I definitely neglected during my PhD – absolute bliss.
  • After getting back from Norwich I had a few days in Aberdeen before heading to my third of Rowena Murray’s writing retreats. As usual, I got more writing done than I thought possible in the space of 2 and a half days, and I’m back on the writing retreat hype train. I’ve already booked another for June. Rowena is a powerhouse, and the only person I actively want to interrupt me on a regular basis.
  • Aberdeen’s second Soapbox Science event took place as part of the May Festival, and it was another successful event! I love organising these events because it allows me to meet wonderful women doing really cool science stuff that I otherwise wouldn’t get to connect with. Unfortunately I completely forgot to get a group photograph, but all 12 speakers did a fantastic job, and I left feeling inspired and brimming with ideas for my own engagement activities.

    Soapbox Science Aberdeen 2019
Cool places

At the end of May I headed to Naples for 5 days with my Mum – it was a Mother’s day present that went some way to remedy the fact that I slept through 5 alarms on actual Mother’s day, and ended up not seeing her at all. Luckily, I think the trip made up for that and I reckon I’ve been forgiven.

5 days of pastries, the best pizza I’ve ever eaten, and lots of mooching about. I had a fantastic time, and would definitely recommend a visit to Naples if you ever get the chance!

Image of Via Tribunali in Naples
Via Tribunali, Naples

Pompeii

Herculaneum

At the beginning of the month I also went to see the the musical Kinky Boots, and RuPaul’s Drag Race Werq the World Tour, so now when I grow up I want to be a drag queen. On the subject of drag queens, has anyone been watching RuPaul’s Drag Race this season? The finale was right at the end of May, and I felt it was a bit meh to be honest. I didn’t dislike the winner, but my favourite didn’t win (look how easy it is to not give spoilers!).

Book(s) of the month
  • Non-fiction: I’ve got two non-fiction recommendations this month – Kerry Hudson’s Lowborn: Growing Up, Getting Away and Returning to Britain’s Poorest Towns, and Hallie Rubenhold’s The Five: The Untold Lives of the Women Killed by Jack the Ripper. Both are brilliant but for very different reasons. The Five was brilliant as it gave a voice to the victims of Jack the Ripper, you follow each of their lives and it really does focus on them rather than the fact that they were brutally murdered. Lowborn made me cry, and I was thinking about it for days after I’d read it, so much so that I emailed Kerry (the first time I’ve ever emailed an author!) to tell her much of an impact it had.
  • Fiction: Tayari Jones’s An American Marriage. This has just won the Women’s Prize for Fiction, and I’m so glad! I’d read a few other books from the shortlist but this was the one that I was really hoping would win. It tells the story of a young newlywed couple that are the victim of racism; it looks at race issues in America from a new perspective. I sped through it and I’d really recommend picking it up if you haven’t already.
Online media
  • Podcast: Episode 60 of Alice Benham’s Starting the Conversion – Managing mental health when you’re running a business or growing a side-hustle w/Josephine Brookes. I only recently discovered Alice Benham’s podcast, but I’ve been binge listening to episodes at an impressive (alarming?) rate. This is the latest one, and features Josephine Brookes, a side hustle guru. I don’t want to make Science On A Postcard my full time job; it will always be a side hustle for me, but the topics discussed were helpful and insightful, and I’m excited to use resources from both Alice and Josephine to make the most of the time I dedicate to my side hustle.
  • Article: Brands and Activism by Adam Stones for the RSA website. In this article Adam Stones explores how businesses can create meaningful purpose and create change. I read this from two perspectives – 1) as a small business owner, and 2) as a researcher. The article gave me food for thought in terms of how I can make sure that my little business is contributing to the change that I want to see (more on that over the summer!), as well as how I as a researcher, can work with businesses and brands to ensure that the work that I’m doing has the biggest impact possible.
  • Article: Let’s talk about the notion of cure by Amy D Robertson. A really interesting piece around the concept of ‘curing’ from the perspective of a patient living with chronic pain, this challenges the notion that a cure should always be the end goal. For lots of patients that isn’t realistic, and fuels feelings of failure and fragility, instead we should be working towards a realistic version of wellness that is agreed by both the patient and their healthcare team.
  • Webinar: Science’s Selling without selling out: How to communicate your science. This is a brilliant webinar from Science – it provides a good basic introduction to science communication from lots of different perspectives.
One specific moment

Look Again Creative Accelerator

I’m realising that this one specific moment thing is turning into the part of the blog post where I talk about the moment I realised someone believed in me, or I felt I belonged. Last month it was attending my first local Etsy makers meetup, and feeling all warm and fuzzy because my tiny little business is reaching people that I haven’t nagged to buy stuff – incredible. This month, it’s a bit bigger than that. I’ve been accepted onto a fully funded creative accelerator program to help me to gain new skills and boost my tiny business! I’m so excited. Between June and September I’ll be attending workshops and meetups to help me connect with other creative people in the city, and make Science On A Postcard the best side hustle that it can be. I applied for this program late at night a few months ago, and I really, genuinely didn’t think that I stood a chance at getting a place. Now, I’m one of 12 people on the program. I can’t wait to meet the other makers and get to grips with the world of creative business, not only for Science On A Postcard, but for future academic research projects that I have bubbling away in my head.

Work thing

This month has been fab for work things, a few things I’m particularly buzzing about:

  • At the writing retreat I mentioned above I was working on a paper from the qualitative work that made up a big chunk of my PhD thesis I’d had comments in the last draft sitting in my inbox since December, and I’d been avoiding it. The retreat was exactly what I needed – a complete kick up the backside to force me to open the document again. I left the retreat with a new draft, which I now have back with a few outstanding comments, but it’s so nearly ready for submission!
  • This month I found out the I’d won the Early Career Researcher award in the University of Aberdeen’s Principal’s Prizes for Public Engagement with Research. Last year I was awarded runner up, so this was a complete surprise that I’m very, very happy with 🙂
  • At the end of the month I was awarded a bursary to attend the BIG event in Edinburgh this July, so if you’re attending and fancy a chat let me know! I’ll be there on the Thursday and Friday.

Now I’ve written all of that down, it’s pretty clear why the month went so quickly – I feel like I haven’t stopped for the last 4 weeks! All good though, a very positive and productive month. What did you love about May? Leave a comment below and let me know 🙂

I’m on the Writers’ Rough Drafts Podcast!

Writers’ Rough Drafts is a podcast hosted by Elisa Doucette, Founder and Executive Editor of Craft Your Content; a business that aims to do the unthinkable – make writing a less lonely process. They offer group courses, as well as one-to-one support on writing and editing projects from website copy to novels. The Craft Your Content website is also a wonderful resource in itself. As a frequent visitor to the Craft Your Content website, and an avid listener of the Writers’ Rough Drafts podcast, I jumped at the chance to talk all things writing and creativity when Elisa approached me a few months ago.

Listen to our podcast episode here.

Elisa’s incredibly flattering introduction:

Heidi Gardner is a scientist, researcher, blogger, entrepreneur, and activist. While her “full-time gig” is as a research fellow at the Health Services Research Unit at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland, after receiving her bachelor’s degree in pharmacology and her doctorate in participant recruitment, she has a lot more going on besides her fascination and love affair with science and improving participant trial experience.

This year, Heidi embarked on an international odyssey as a Winston Churchill Memorial Trust fellow—visiting art installations, chatting to professors and female scientists, and reading tomes upon tomes worth of articles and literature in North America, Europe, and Asia—to find interesting and unique ways that people share scientific research and results so it is more accessible to, and engaging for, the general public. A regular blogger herself, she updates her site with posts not only about her work and pursuits, but also her life as a woman in science and as a human on planet Earth. Which is part of her “side hustle,” an Etsy store and ecommerce brand called “Science on a Postcard,” a fun project that helps to see science in a new light.


From the show notes:

What You’ll Learn About Writing:

  • Why you need confidence to break writing rules
  • The importance of finding gatekeepers and peers who are “on your team”
  • How blogs can serve as a great place for a “brain dump”
  • Why we should tap into our creativity and retrain our brain to think more creatively, even if you think you’re a “noncreative” person
  • How you should find specific sources, information, and experiences to share that no one has written about before
  • Why not only being creative but being able to explain parts of that creativity to others often bring you more collaboration and readers
  • How we, as writers, can try to write more humanly and less pretentiously no matter what industry we’re in

Mentioned in This Episode (Links and Resources!):

Jen Campbell’s Creative Non-Fiction Writing Workshop

I write non-fiction all of the time. it’s the most consistent part of academia – backgrounds, methods, analysis, it’s the one thing I know I could do every day and never get to the end of. Academic writing is a specific type of non-fiction designed to convey information, packing in details though remaining concise. What I do much less frequently is creative non-fiction. That is, using storytelling techniques to communicate factually accurate things.

Earlier this year, I had an idea for a non-fiction book. I’m not going to say any more than that – maybe one day I’ll write it, maybe I won’t – for now I’m mulling the idea over in my head to see if it’s got legs. Anyway, after having that idea I decided I’d like to learn how to write creative non-fiction. I searched online for local training courses, regular classes that I could attend to learn the basics, and I struggled to find anything around the Aberdeen area. Most options were online, and most were cost-prohibitively expensive. I pushed the idea to the back of my mind, and a few days later whilst watching one of Jen Campbell’s YouTube videos, she mentioned that she was starting a new online writing workshop for creative non-fiction. I signed up straight away; it was only £50 and though I didn’t think that something so short (and distant) could teach me a huge amount, I figured that it would at least get my head into the right space to get started.

I completed the writing workshop whilst I was on my Fellowship travels in Singapore and Hong Kong, and I enjoyed it so much that I wanted to talk about it here.

Who?

Jen Campbell
Jen Campbell

Jen Campbell has written a number of (fantastic) non-fiction books about books and booksellers, she’s also written poetry, short stories and children’s books, and she’s currently working on her first novel. Jen runs these workshops for a small group of people a few times a year, and you don’t need to have any formal writing experience or training to take part.

Where?

Since this workshop is online, you can take part wherever you are in the world. There is a text-only Skype session scheduled for feedback, but if the time isn’t suitable then you are able to get feedback on your work via email instead.

What?

The workshop includes two tasks. The first involves looking at some examples of creative non-fiction and analysing them to work out why they are (or are not) successful, the second is a bigger beast; writing your own piece of creative non-fiction of up to 2,000 words.

The first task was necessary and interesting, but it was the second task that really got me thinking. The instructions Jen gives state, ‘You might want to write about a personal experience, you might want to write an informal essay, or a piece of memoir. Do whatever you like.’ I’d never had this much freedom to write non-fiction before, and it scared me (I’m not sure why, only Jen and the other workshop participants would see my writing. It wasn’t as if the stakes were particularly high – we were all there to learn). Regardless, it took me a few days of bouncing ideas around in my head to settle on something to write about, and then I did it. I sat down at my laptop and wrote, and honestly, it felt like a form of therapy. I wrote something very personal that I doubt I’ll ever share, and I loved it. It was a rough first draft and I knew it could be significantly improved, but for the first time in months I genuinely enjoyed the process of writing.

I sent both of my completed tasks to Jen before I had time to doubt myself, and a week later I got feedback. I’ve watched Jen’s YouTube channel for a few years and I’ve read lots of her books so I know that she is good at what she does, but for something so quick (and reasonably priced), I was expecting surface level feedback at best. Instead, I logged into the Skype chat (the one good thing about my experience with jet-lag) and she explained fundamental techniques, gave in-depth, well thought through feedback, suggested edits to my text, and the promise of a second round of feedback on a future draft. There were only 3 of us on the Skype chat and it was useful to hear both Jen’s feedback for the other workshop participant, and the other participant’s feedback on my piece.

I fully intended to edit that piece of writing within a week of the Skype chat; I felt passionate about learning this new skill and I was looking forward to revising my work (seriously, when does anyone think that?). Perhaps obviously, I didn’t have the time. My Fellowship travels were in full swing, and I got caught up with writing what felt like a million other things.

Now, I’m at one of Rowena Murray’s writing retreats, and as usual, I’ve managed to get way more work done than I thought I would (if either of my PhD supervisors are reading this –  I’ve finished a new draft of the qualitative paper!), so I’m using one of the last sessions to edit my piece and write this blog post.

On reflection, I’m glad that I took a forced step back from creative non-fiction as it feels like Jen’s advice has sunk in over the last few months. Now I’m excited to make time to write, whether it’s as a sort of therapeutic outlet, or to continue banging on about science and science communication in a (hopefully) more engaging way.

When?

If you’d like to try one of Jen Campbell’s online writing workshops for yourself, take a look at her website for dates. There are currently no dates for group workshops, but she also doing individual workshops throughout the year.

Recommended?

Yes, absolutely. I’m actually thinking of signing up for another one of Jen’s workshops later in the year – something further out of my comfort zone; perhaps this is the year that I start writing poetry!


Books with Jen podcast logoI also wanted to mention Jen’s podcast – BOOKS WITH JEN. If you’re at all interested in reading, writing, books, authors and/or cups of tea, you’ll like this. All of the episodes are spoiler-free too, which means it’s one of my favourite sources to find out about books before going out to buy them.

Good Things: April 2019

I haven’t blogged in over a month. I’ve been way too busy with work stuff, Science On A Postcard stuff, friend stuff and family stuff. It’s been a busy month, and I’m determined to get back into the swing of regular blogging – so I’m kicking off with a look back at the good things that happened during April.

Excellent humans

April’s excellent human of the month was my counsellor. I started person-centred counselling in the first week of March, and fully expected to be attending weekly appointments for at least the next few months. I’d planned to transition from weekly, to fortnightly, and then monthly appointments, with the aim of feeling more myself by the end of the year. I’ve spoken about how I’ve tried counselling before, that didn’t work out for me so I expected this attempt to take a while for things to begin to settle and for me to see improvements. Turns out, when you find the right counsellor things can start to feel good pretty quickly. I had 6 sessions in total, the last one just a few weeks ago, and I feel like my brain is finally allowing me to enjoy things again. April wasn’t 100% excellent headspace-wise, but I feel like those sessions have helped me a lot, and for the first time in a long time I’m looking forward feeling almost entirely positive.

I also met Dr Claudia Antolini in April! I’ve followed her on Twitter for a while and she will also be one of the speakers at Aberdeen’s Soapbox Science event in May, so it was wonderful to finally meet her and talk all things science communication, inclusion and diversity. She’s a fantastic science communicator and if you don’t follow her on Twitter, you should.

Cool places

I knew that this category would leave me underwhelmed every month since I listed places in Berlin and Washington DC in my January ‘Good Things’ post..

Does ‘in the air’ count? My partner took me flying in April, and we had a very lovely time. Though he did make us go upside down without warning me which was a little alarming to say the least.

April was pretty quiet in terms of travel, I went to Edinburgh Science Festival, but I’ve mostly stayed in Aberdeen. That said, I’ve really enjoyed working in coffee shops lately – I find that I can get on with work without being interrupted. The fact that I’m sat at a table with my laptop and strangers may see me not working means I’m more likely to knuckle down and get on with things. Also – cake and coffee.

Cult of Coffee has been my favourite, because look at this cake platter.. To be clear: I did not eat this by myself, and I went home and had a nap afterwards. Even between 2 we didn’t finish it, but holy cow it was delicious.

Book(s) of the month
Online media
One specific moment
  • As some of you may know, I have an Etsy shop (Science On A Postcard), and this month I went to my first local Etsy meet up. There’s a group of volunteers in Aberdeen running our local branch; they put together the Etsy seller fairs, they put on super useful creative workshops, and they have lots more creative and business experience than I do. I had a bloody lovely time at the meet up, and my favourite moment of the entire month was walking into the meeting and someone I didn’t know saying ‘oh cool, you’re from Science On A Postcard!’. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy because this tiny little business is reaching people that I haven’t nagged to buy stuff – incredible!
Work thing
  • This month I’ve had a Masters student working with me and it’s been so, so good! I still feel like an academic baby, but the first few weeks of working with a Masters student has been amazing for my confidence. I do know stuff, I do have experience, and I can share those skills and experiences with other people. Also she’s a fab student and I’m super excited to see how the project comes out, so that helps a lot.

What did you love about April? Leave a comment below and let me know 🙂

On Not Being a PhD Student Anymore

I’ve got a (relatively long-term in the world of academia) grown up job; hoorah! After my PhD finished I had a 6 month contract working as a Research Assistant, that contract ended just before Christmas meaning I could head off on my Winston Churchill Memorial Trust Fellowship travels. Now I’m back in the UK and looking at career steps that are hopefully a bit more stable.

I’ve been working as a Research Fellow for a month now, and I’ve had a few friends who are in the final stages of beavering away at their PhDs ask what it’s like to not be a student. Personally I hadn’t really put much thought into it before anyone had asked – probably because I’m working with the same (wonderful) team as I was before, and I have been focussing on learning how to my job and getting back into some semblance of normal life after a few months gallivanting across time zones.. Anyway, I figured it was time to reflect on how things have changed (or not) since leaving finally student life behind at the age of 26.

Image from Cristina Vanko’s 100 Days of Adulting project

First up, I’d just like to confirm that the rumours are true; there is life after a PhD, and it is entirely possible to not be a student.

 

When you’re in the thick of it, it can feel overwhelming and never-ending, but it does come to an end and you absolutely can graduate. Lots of people have done it before you, and people will do it after you; but it takes grit and resilience. I’ve spoken before about my hope of staying in academic research, and for now at least, that’s going well – my current contract will keep me in employment until 2021.

The main difference between my role now and my role as a Research Assistant, is that I’m now leading a project rather than supporting other researchers across lots of different ones. In that sense it feels a lot like when I was doing the PhD; I have a main project to focus on, and then a few little ones bubbling away in the background. If I’m honest, I much prefer that set up than Research Assistant life – I found working across lots of different things without leading any of them quite difficult, I felt like I lacked focus because my work was so varied. Now my days are still varied, but not too varied if you know what I mean? The work is substantial enough for me to get my teeth into, but there’s also some nice bits of what I think of as ‘snack-y’ work for me to do to keep me on my toes.

I think the only real difference between working in an actual grown up job and being a PhD student, is that people seem to take you a bit more seriously (I’m cringing just typing that, but I think it’s true… eeeek!). When I say ‘people’ I don’t mean my colleagues at work, I mean everyone else. I’ve shed the badge of student that I’ve carried around with me for so long, and it feels like people now view me as a ‘Researcher’ because I work for a University. My own perception was that I was a Researcher when I was doing my PhD, but maybe that’s not normal? I don’t know.
The best example of this was when my partner was updating our details for council tax recently. He asked what my job title was, and I said Research Fellow, and he did a sort of double take and said ‘seriously, I thought you were a Researcher?’. I explained that when someone asks me what I do, ‘Researcher’ is what I use – it’s more descriptive, and the ‘Fellow’ literally adds nothing but jargon and a weird air of self-importance. The response I got to that? ‘Yea, but Research Fellow sounds so much more of a big deal, like woah, you’re a Research Fellow, that’s pretty cool.’

Anna Borges / BuzzFeed / Via buzzfeed.com

It’s weird how a job title can make people think differently of you, more often than not they take you more seriously as soon as you no longer reply ‘student’, and that’s felt very strange to me over the past few weeks. I still feel like a giant baby, I am still outraged when I’m expected to pay bills on a regular basis (I’m only half joking; seriously, it’s relentless – every month?!), and I still call my Mum when something of note happens because I’m largely clueless as to how to deal with things that grown ups do (see the point above where my partner was dealing with the council tax..).

Adulting is hard, and not having the safety net of the student title takes away a whole lot of leeway when it comes to screwing up and not knowing stuff (I have no proof of that, that’s just my perception). Now it feels like people think I know shit when in actual fact I feel like I know less than I ever have? Anyway, I’m going to end this post now before I continue to waffle on about how growing up is an absolute con. Please tell me I’m not alone here?!